Seeing Past the Crazy
by awriterofthings
Summary: Chloe has schizophrenia but Beca doesn' t find out until she walks in on Chloe having an episode.


**Seeing Past the Crazy**

Chloe sighed and rubbed her eyes, tired from staring at her textbooks all day. She had a huge course load and was stressed. She couldn't wait for exams to be over. She pulled out her cellphone and typed out a quick message to her girlfriend, Beca, letting her know that she would have to cancel their plans for tonight. She was just too exhausted.  
Chloe placed her cellphone down on the desk and let out a deep breath before looking down at her textbook. The words began to jumble together and she closed her eyes for a brief moment, running a hand through her hair. "Get it together, Chloe," she whispered to herself.

Chloe's phone buzzed on the desk and she picked it up to read the message Beca had sent her.

_I'll watch you study then. We haven't spent time together in like a week. I'm coming over._

Chloe typed out a quick message telling Beca tonight was a bad night before setting her phone down. She would make plans with Beca later to make up for being absent the last few days but right now she wanted to be alone.

* * *

Beca frowned at her phone as she read the message that Chloe sent her.

"What's the matter?" Jesse asked as he finished stacking the last bit of CDs for the day.

"Chloe's being weird," Beca replied as she typed back a response asking if she had done something wrong.

"Did you do something?" Jesse asked.

Beca thought for a moment. "No, not that I know of. I'm not forgetting her birthday or anything. I'm just going to head over to her place." Beca picked up her backpack from the table. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, good luck being in the doghouse and all," Jesse joked with a grin.

"I'm not in the doghouse!" Beca called back to him as she left the campus radio station. She began her walk to Chloe's apartment that she shared with her best friend, Aubrey and was worried when she hadn't received a response from Chloe. Maybe she had done something wrong.

Once reaching the apartment, she knocked on the door but received no answer. After a few minutes of standing outside of the door, she reached into her backpack for her keys. She looked through the keys until she spotted the one for the apartment. Chloe had given it to her a few weeks ago, telling her to use it for emergencies only and to not tell Aubrey she had it.

"Chloe?" Beca called as she entered the apartment. She didn't hear anything so she continued to her girlfriend's bedroom. She pushed the door open slowly and her eyes widened at the mess before her. Chloe's textbooks were scattered all over the floor, pages ripped and shredded to pieces. "Chloe?" Beca called again this time panic in her voice. She left the room and knocked on the bathroom door. "Chloe?" She tried the knob and found that it was unlocked. She opened the door and found Chloe sitting by the bathtub, hugging her legs as she rested her head on her knees. She noticed more of Chloe's textbooks in the bathtub and knelt down in front of her. "Baby what's wrong?"

Chloe looked up and Beca's heart broke at the tears running down the redhead's face. "They keep taunting me."

"Who's taunting you?" Beca asked, confused.

"The books," Chloe whispered out. "They don't think I can do it. They don't think I can be a lawyer."

Beca placed a hand on Chloe's shoulder, convinced that her girlfriend was tripping on some kind of drug. "Chloe what'd you take?"

"I tried to get them to shut up," Chloe continued. "They just kept talking. I couldn't take it anymore. Maybe they're right. Maybe I can't be a lawyer."

Beca wiped the tears from Chloe's face and spoke to her gently. "Chloe the books aren't talking."

"They are!" Chloe snapped causing Beca to draw her hand back. "They're laughing at me!"

Just as Beca decided that she needed to call nine-one-one, Aubrey appeared at the doorway.

"What's going on?" Aubrey asked, setting her purse down by the door.

Beca sounded terrified as she spoke. "I found her like this. She thinks the books are talking to her. I don't know what she took."

Aubrey entered the bathroom and knelt down beside Chloe. "She didn't take anything," she said to Beca. "Hey, Chloe, tell me what's going on."

"They don't think I can be a lawyer," Chloe cried. "I'm trying really hard but they don't think I can do it."

"Chloe we can't hear the books," Aubrey stated. "You're hallucinating."

Chloe shook her head. "No, they're talking! I'm not lying!"

"I don't think you're lying," Aubrey assured her. "Why don't you tell them to go away?"

"I tried. They won't listen." Chloe dropped her head back onto her knees.

"What if you ignore them?" Aubrey asked. "We'll help you. Do you want us to help you?"

Chloe nodded.

"Beca probably has some mixes you can listen to," Aubrey said. "Do you want her to play them for you?"

"Yes," Chloe replied, softly.

Aubrey stood up before helping Chloe up from the floor. She looked to Beca who remained on the floor looking confused and scared. "Beca can you play music for Chloe?"

Beca snapped out of her daze and got up. "Yeah… I-I'll turn my laptop on."

"I'll take her to her room," Aubrey said.

"Um, her room's trashed right now," Beca whispered.

"My room then," Aubrey said as she guided Chloe to her bedroom.

Beca got her laptop and quickly brought it into Aubrey's room. She started one of her more soothing playlists and looked at Chloe who was now lying in Aubrey's bed.

Aubrey left the room and returned a few seconds later with a glass of water and pills. "Take these."

Chloe sat up and took the pills Aubrey handed her. She gulped them down with water before setting the glass down on the nightstand. "Beca?"

"Yeah, Chlo?" Beca moved from the corner of the room where she had been standing, afraid to do much else.

"Will you lay with me?" Chloe asked, tiredly.

"Of course." Beca kicked off her shoes and got onto the bed.

Aubrey sat down in the chair by her desk to keep an eye on Chloe. It didn't take long for Chloe to fall asleep and once she was out, Aubrey gestured for Beca to follow her out of the room.

"What the hell was that?" Beca's mind was racing. She didn't know what to make out of what just happened. "How are you so calm?"

"Sit down," Aubrey said as she plopped down on the couch.

Beca did as she was told and waited for Aubrey to explain things to her.

"She was going to tell you but she always talked herself out of it," Aubrey began. "She didn't think you'd stay if you knew."

"Knew what?" Beca thought for sure her brain was going to explode from confusion.

"Beca… Chloe has schizophrenia. It can get pretty bad when she's stressed out or forgets her medication."

Beca's eyes widened as she processed what Aubrey had just told her. "Wait. What? No she doesn't. We've been friends for six months. We've been dating for two of those months." Beca gestured down the hall. "That has never happened before."

"She's usually really good at making sure she doesn't have an episode," Aubrey explained. "It's been a very long time since something like this has happened. She's stressed out with her course load. Look, Beca, I know it's a lot to take in but Chloe's still Chloe."

"Does she not trust me?" Beca asked. "We're supposed to tell each other everything."

"This is a little different from "hey, I have a tattoo on my ass." This is something she struggles with, Beca. Chloe thought it was too soon to tell you. She was afraid that you'd break-up with her. Her exes never saw past her having schizophrenia."

Beca nodded in understanding. "Do you need help cleaning up?"

Aubrey stood up from the couch. "That'd be great. I'd like to get everything cleaned up before Chloe sees what she did."

After cleaning, Beca had decided that she should head back to her dorm. She had a lot she wanted to think about. The night had been a long one for her and if she was being honest, she was a bit overwhelmed with the information that had been dropped on her.

Aubrey looked worried when Beca said that she was going home instead of staying with Chloe. "Beca if this is you running, tell me now."

"I'm not running," Beca assured her. "This is just a lot out of nowhere. I just want some time to myself. I'll be back tomorrow."

Aubrey wanted to believe Beca. She had seen people walk out on Chloe because of her illness and she wanted things to be different with Beca. "Yeah, sure. Goodnight."

Beca walked into Aubrey's room and looked at Chloe who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. She went over to her girlfriend and sat on the bed for a moment, watching her sleep. After a few minutes, she placed a kiss on Chloe's forehead and left the room. Once she was out of the apartment, she let out a deep breath and ran her hands over her face. Schizophrenia. Her girlfriend had schizophrenia.

* * *

Chloe woke up the next morning and sat up, leaning against the headboard. She noticed that she was in Aubrey's room and looked beside her where Aubrey was sleeping soundly. She heard music and spotted Beca's laptop on the desk. Flashes of the previous night hit her and she let out a deep sigh. "Damn it."

Aubrey was a light sleeper and woke up instantly. "Hey," she said as she sat up. "How are you feeling?"

"Is Beca here?" Chloe asked, worried that her girlfriend might've decided to bolt on her.

"She's not," Aubrey replied. "She said she'd be back today, though."

Chloe let out an unamused laugh. "Right, like she'll really want to be around me now. All I can remember is tearing up my textbooks. I probably scared her. I'm such an idiot. I was so focused on my course load that I forgot to take my medication."

Aubrey placed an arm around Chloe. "It's okay. It happens."

"No, "it happens" is only good for when someone drops their phone in a toilet. It doesn't work for forgetting your crazy-meds."

"You're not crazy." Aubrey pulled Chloe closer to her, letting the redhead rest her head on her shoulder. "Beca doesn't think you are either."

"Then why did she leave?" Chloe asked, sadly.

"She just needs to process. She's different than the others."

Chloe raised her head from Aubrey's shoulder and gestured to the door. "I should go see the damage I did."

"All cleaned up," Aubrey said. "Beca helped me last night."

"Thanks," Chloe replied, sheepishly. "I'm sorry you had to clean up my mess."

"It was nothing," Aubrey assured her. "And since we're taking the same classes, we can share books until you can get your own."

Chloe smiled. "You're the best."

Aubrey nudged her gently. "I know. Are you hungry?"

Chloe shook her head. "I think I'm just going to rest a bit more."

Aubrey could tell that her best friend was worrying about whether or not her relationship with Beca was over. "Okay, you can stay in here. I'm going to go make breakfast."

Chloe thanked Aubrey and laid back down.

Aubrey left the room and checked the time for the first time since she woke up. She was surprised to see that it was ten in the morning. She was behind in her usual morning rituals. She was glad that it was Saturday. She planned on staying in all day to watch after Chloe.

Aubrey was gathering things to make breakfast when she heard the knock at the door. She went over to the door already figuring it was Beca. She was relieved to see that she was right when she opened it to find Beca standing before her. "You're here."

"I said I'd be back," Beca said as she entered the apartment. "Is she up?"

"She is," Aubrey replied. "She's in my room still."

"Is she okay?"

"She's worried about the status of your relationship but other than that she's going to be fine."

"Thanks for being there for her," Beca said as she fiddled with the sleeve of her shirt. "I should've stayed. I just needed to wrap my mind around everything."

"She's my best friend," Aubrey said. "I love her. I'll always be here for her. And don't worry, I get it."

Beca began to head to Aubrey's room but stopped to face the blonde again. "Hey, Aubrey."

Aubrey looked at Beca. "Yeah?"

"I love her too," Beca said before going into the room.

Aubrey smiled and got started on making breakfast.

Chloe's eyes opened when she heard the door open and she sat up quickly when she saw Beca walk into the room. "Beca."

Beca smiled. "Don't look so surprised to see me."

"I just thought… I thought that maybe you wouldn't want to see me."

"I'd never want to not see you," Beca replied. "I am a little upset with you. You left me in the dark on this one. I was at a total loss of what to do. I was scared."

"I know and I'm sorry." Chloe got up from the bed. "I thought you'd think I wasn't worth being with."

Beca brushed a strand of hair from Chloe's face and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you. I'll never feel that way."

Chloe's face lit up and she pulled Beca into a hug. "I love you too… so much. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Beca reached into her back pocket and handed Chloe a piece of paper. "Read this. I'm crappy with words so I wrote something for you."

Chloe took the paper and unfolded it. A smile spread across her face as she read the letter. It was a list of reasons why Beca loved her. "What made you write this?"

Beca took Chloe's hand into her own and linked their fingers together. "There are a lot of things about you that I love. What I wrote doesn't even cover all of it. You are amazing Chloe. You having schizophrenia doesn't change how I feel about you."

"You don't think I'm crazy?"

Beca smirked and kissed the back of Chloe's hand that was still linked with hers. "I think you're crazy but not because you have schizophrenia. You barged into my shower, you have no idea what boundaries are and you do ridiculous things to make me laugh. I love you for being crazy."

Chloe grinned. "I'm never living down that shower thing am I?"

"No way." Beca leaned forward to kiss Chloe just as Aubrey opened her room door.

"First off, Beca are you staying for breakfast and Chloe have you changed your mind about being hungry?"

"I'd actually like breakfast and Beca is staying," Chloe smiled. "Thanks, Bree."

"No problem," Aubrey said. "And secondly, if you two are about to make-out and/or have sex, please take it somewhere that's not my room."

"So the living room, then?" Beca joked.

Aubrey playfully glared at the brunette. "Don't forget I'm making you food."

"Don't worry. We're not about to do anything in here," Beca promised. Once Aubrey left, Beca gave her attention back to Chloe. "So I was thinking you could tell me about schizophrenia. I mean, if you're comfortable talking about it. I want to know how to help you if what happened last night happens again."

"What do you want to know?" Chloe asked.

"Everything," Beca replied.

Chloe pulled Beca in for a kiss and then hugged her. "Thank you."

Beca frowned in confusion. "For what?"

"Seeing past the crazy," Chloe said before kissing her girlfriend again.


End file.
